The truth as I know it:

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time & miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands. ~~~ Kristi Larson

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Strength

Strength is a funny thing, I think.  A mystery.  Elusive even.  People keep telling me I am strong. I don't feel strong.  I have a few friends who are going through the same thing I am and at least one of them could run circles around me in her strength.  Everyone's situation is different, but when I look at these other women, I feel weak.

I am reminded of the saying, "Courage is not the absence of fear, but action in the face of it."  Okay, so does that mean that because I am getting out of bed every day and moving forward through my life that I am strong and courageous?  I don't know.

Strength Defined:

strength
  1. The quality of being strong.
  2. The intensity of a force or powerpotency.
  3. The strongest part of something.
  4. positive attribute.

Synonyms


I am not sure that I qualify as "strong".  But, I do know that I can do what needs to be done.  I do know that in almost every single scenario in my life, I have landed on my feet.  I think that was one of the things that was most difficult to me about the failure of my marriage and why I hung on as long as I did, I have never really experienced things just going wrong no matter how much effort I put into it.  SO.... the thing that keeps a lump in my throat is the loneliness of the situation.  The lack of companionship and the lack of a partner in making decisions.  But this too is making me stronger.  I know that I can trust myself.  I know that I have a good head on my shoulders, it's just that I haven't had to make big decisions by myself in many years and therefore, I'm a little unsteady on my feet.  But you know what, I am starting to feel a little stronger now.  I'm praying my way out of the pit.  I'm learning that in situations where I would normally have a spouse to talk through things and help me make the decisions, I can talk to God and ask Him for guidance.  If I don't immediately feel an answer, I know that I should just sit on it.  This is hard for me because I hate leaving things hanging and I don't like to mull over decisions for too long.  But I'm learning.

So, what makes a person strong?  Is it strong if you can survive a heart break?  Is it strong if the ground is shaking and everything around you is smoking and unrecognizable, but you're still able to get out of bed?  Because I think that might be what I am doing.  I might be surviving and getting out of bed every day, I can't say that I'm doing much more than that, but I'm feeling my way through the darkness of the days and I do know, somewhere deep down inside me, that the thoughts of doubt I have are not real.  I know that there will be happiness for me somewhere down the road, one way or the other.  I don't know what that will look like, but whatever it looks like, I really trust that God will put me at peace with whatever that picture is.  Of course, I have some ideas that I am suggesting to him, but that God of mine, He has a mind of His own! :)

Then Samson prayed to the LORD, “Sovereign LORD, remember me. Please, God,strengthen me just once more..."
Judges 16:28

3 comments:

Lindsay said...

Strength is enduring what is difficult and keeping going when you really feel you can't.

You are strong.

Courage is keeping going even when you feel you are too weak or afraid to do it. Courage is not doing what doesn't scare you: it is doing what you are afraid of.

You are courageous.

You haven't "landed on your feet" all your life. You've approached life with strength and courage and this has helped you to come through difficult times. You have the wisdom, strength and courage to know what you can't do by yourself and that is not so common! You haven't failed because something hasn't worked how you hoped it would. You are only one person. Others in a relationship are also responsible for what goes on.

You are not diminished because you cannot see in yourself things others know are there.

findingourdaughter said...

Sending you love and hugs from FL!
Praying for you, wishing you a future of happiness that is beyond comprehension at this point.
Remember to breathe :)

Carla said...

You are doing much more than you think you are Ondrea. You are leaning into God, trusting Him through this dark time. And you are sharing your heart with us through this blog, showing us how to find strength to fight our own battles. God is using you more than you'll ever know.