Week 15: Shoot and Edit Challenge: Easter

Nothing says Easter like a little bunny in the kitchen!

Cookie, anyone?

I'm participating in this weekly challenge with Jill Samter and Ashley Sisk.  in an effort to hone my skills a bit more in the photography arena.  I haven't taken many portraits since I've been out here in Hawaii (lots more landscape) and I feel a bit rusty.  I'm finding it pretty inspiring for getting me back in the saddle.  Hope over there if you'd like to participate, it's been alot of fun and it's pretty simple steps to improving your photos.  

Shoot And Edit Assignment: Week 14

So, I am late to the game of this shoot and edit assignment stuff, but I decided to try to hone my photo editing skills by participating in this blog carnival over at




Check it out.

Here is my original photo. The theme was "Faith." This was a bit of a stretch for that category, but it's the closest I had. Also, I have been trying to work my way back through the lessons, so I am not nearly where I should be on this editing thing, but I'm only three weeks into the lessons, so bare with me. (Or is it bear with me?)

Original shot:

I edited the photo in Picnik.  I love Picnik, though it does have it's limitations.  I tried to follow Ashley's editing suggestions as well as I could without Photoshop.  First I used the Neutral Picker to brighten the photo up a bit based on the white in the door frame.  Then I used the crop and straighten tool to change the orientation just a tad (because that was this weeks lesson.)  And then I bumped up the vibrance and added the words at the bottom.  All in all, it was very simple but I think it made a huge difference in the photo.  What do you think?

I think typically I would be supposed to add the original camera settings, etc. etc., but I don't know how to do that, so you'll just have to take my very unscientific word for it! :)  

Perspective

I haven't shared the entire story of our ups and downs here.  Pretty much daily we have gone back and forth between being in love with this island and being painfully aware of what we were missing at home.  Our life here is so special.  It's something that I wish everyone could experience once with their family, a chance to be set aside and rest.  A time to explore new places and spaces together, to develop new mutual interests.  A time to create memories that are unique only to your own family.  A chance to depend on one another in a way that you can't when you are surrounded by a network of people who love you.

All these things and so much more have made this time here an absolutely incredible experience.  So, although we know in our hearts that it's the right thing to go home this summer, there is still some bitter to the sweet.  I think we've all changed alot and it will be interesting to see how we weather the confines of security and comfort.  It will be a new way of experiencing the old and I'm so looking forward to it.

But to ease the sting a little bit of constantly talking about "one last time before we go" and "I'll sure miss....", I cut up a bunch of paper and made a countdown chain.  70 rings to count the days until we get home.  I gave each person in the family ten blank strips of paper and had them list the things they most miss or are most excited to re-experience when we get HOME!  And all of a sudden, the days left seem like a countdown to something wonderful rather than an hourglass running out of time.

 I will try to share a few things along the way that we pull off the chain (the one you can see says "Downtown Franklin". ) But I can tell you that the first thing on every single persons list was our dog, Vince.  I will tell you this much, I will NEVER leave home again without our dog.

The other big excitement of the day was making Easter cookies with Meg.  I don't have any photos of the cookies because they were eaten too quickly, but I do have a shot of the little bunny that helped decorate the cookies!  

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  Phillipians 3:13-14

A quick photo update...

We had lots of visitors in March.  

Some had four legs...

But lots of them had 2!

And now they are all gone!

And now he has lost two front teeth, combine that with a sizable gap that God gave him at birth and there are practically no teeth in the front of the boys head.

And we discovered high heels.

And had more fun in the pool, everything old seems new again.

Remembered to see the sunsets and be thankful for them.

We even made a special event of the sunset last night.  Even though the sky wasn't really right for the sunset viewing, we enjoyed Waikiki beach.

I think she belongs on the beach!  

Doesn't she look at home here?

I love to see them playing together... and know that they will remember these days.

All smiles for her brothers... little stinker!

The big scratch between his eyes is thanks to brotherly love and rough play... he threw the book at him, literally. 

Sorry, she is just more willing to pose than the rest of them. :)

Not sure what happened with either of their hair here.

Jack never came out of the water long enough to get a photo.

And I only had my portrait lens so I couldn't really get a close up.

Diamond Head... my favorite landmark in Hono.

Self-portraits are always the best.

Waikiki

What, it's time to go already?

The End!

When an Over-Caffeinated Mama Goes Caffeine-Free...

All hell breaks loose... fo' real!

Seriously, I realized the comedy tonight as our nanny, The Amazing Amy, was talking to me about the Daniel Fast that I flippantly decided to start yesterday.  I say flippantly because at church on Sunday, the pastor announced that the church does a Daniel fast every year, the 21 days prior to Easter.  Being the extremely easy sell that I am, I decided to look into it.  I read up on it on the internet and decided that it surely could not be THAT hard.  It's meat free, no bread, and nothing but water to drink.  But I wasn't really thinking about the fact that this would include coffee.  But, I had committed to it (in my mind) and I was just going to go with it.  So, I charged through my day yesterday and it wasn't too bad.  I lost steam pretty early on, but still, it was doable.  I woke up this morning and that's when the s&%* hit the fan.  I've honestly been in a caffeine-less stupor for at least 48 hours.  I had a headache all day, I laid on the couch half the afternoon unmotivated to do anything but sleep, and my house looks like the kids rooms exploded and landed in various places about the other rooms.  As I was lamenting to Amy that I couldn't get it together to go have tacos with my hubby tonight and why did I think I could go cold turkey from coffee without a catastrophic outcome, her response was "I don't want to question your religious convictions, but you are the over-caffeinated mama."  Well, duh!  How could I forget how much I NEED caffeine.  This addiction of mine is NOT just for fun anymore... there's a reason I developed a love relationship with coffee.... it's because I needed it... and still do, apparently.

In true double-minded fashion, I started to doubt my firm decision to stop the fast tomorrow.  I mean, I'm probably through the worst of it, don't you think?  I mean, it's supposed to be 21 days... how lame that I couldn't make it two?  But the way I see it is that Daniel didn't have four young children when he decided to give up everything that's good and right in the world, the very things that get me through the day, seek the Lord through food deprivation.  And Daniel wasn't living in Hawaii... well, never mind, that should actually make it easier to go meat-free.  But anyway, I'm going to try to keep to the no meat, no bread thing, but the coffee, I think God will understand, I really really do.  In fact, I talked it over with Him and He seemed fine with it!  :)

"The secret to finding joy...

is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is."  I love this quote from the book by Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.



And this, in relation to a story that she is telling from the Bible.  Actually, in adulthood, it's probably become my favorite story in the Bible.  It's the story of Jacob.  My mom and I have talked many times about this story over the past ten or so years.  You see, I was raised in the Southern Baptist way of "never questioning God."  But I don't know, truly, if that is even in the Bible?  Does anyone know?  Grace?  Aunt Suzie?  Mama?  Angel?  Can you tell me the Scripture where the Bible tells us not to question?  Because in the story, Jacob actually wrestles with God.  Some translations say it was an angel, but others say it was God himself.  Either way, Jacob grabs hold of God and won't let go.  At one point, God touches Jacob in the hip socket, breaks the sinew (the strongest part of him) and tells Jacob to let him go, but still Jacob refuses. Jacob is hurt, badly, and physically exhausted, painful, dirty.  Still, he REFUSES to let go of this man.  He does not know at the time that the man is God.  It's dark, Jacob had laid down to rest before a day he dreaded (he was going to see Esau for the first time since he stole his birth-right.)  And he finds himself mysteriously in a physical fight with an unknown man, a man who breaks his hip and demands Jacob let him go.  But Jacob refuses!  Imagine it, really!?!?!  And he tells the man that he will not let go until the man gives Jacob his blessing.  As the first rays of light begin to break through, Jacob realizes that he has actually been wrestling with God.  He has wrestled with God all night, will walk with a limp for the rest of his life because of his tenacity, but he has received God's blessing... and a new name... and he meets his brother the next day and is able to see the face of God in his brother, even though the day before he was all full of dread for the meeting.

I love this story.  Every time I hear it, I am renewed and relieved by it.  I think I can most identify with Jacob, of all the people in the Bible.  See, Jacob took things that he didn't deserve.  Ran from his problems, and in the end, God blessed him and gave him a new name, all because of his unwillingness to let go before he saw God.  I have wrestled a few things down with God in my adult life.  True, God has been very kind to me, He could have snatched them from my hand, but instead, He gently gave, and generously so.  But there were times, like 11 years ago when I had no children, and I literally clawed that blessing from the hand of God.  There have been periods of time where I was holding on tightly to God, refusing to let go without the blessing I knew He wanted to give to me.  This past year, in particular, has been a very different kind of year in our family.  The emotions I have felt this year, with our move, all the questions, all the transitions, all the ups and downs of leaving home for a "foreign" land, have all taken their toll on me.  I haven't blogged much since getting here because my emotions have been so raw and so tender that I couldn't seem to put it down on paper.  There is so much tied into every decision, every day the emotions swing so wide that it's impossible for me to keep track minute to minute, much less share them with anyone else.

I have said that God gave us bite-sized morsels, hand fed this assignment to us in digestible increments.  But there is a toll in temporary living too.  The temporary mentality starts to wear on you after a while.  It's a lonely feeling.  Isolated!  But still, I have been able to find real joy in the journey here.  I have embraced the "time out" that God has put us in.  The sidelines don't look like punishment anymore as much as a much needed time for our heart rates to return to normal after the fast pace we kept in TN.  I know that when we return home, we will go back changed.  There will be pieces of this place that we take with us forever.  There will be days (probably mostly cold winter days) when we wish we were sitting on our lanai in tropical paradise, listening to the wind-chimes in the trade-winds.  There will be days when we hear a Jack Johnson song or Bruno Mars and we are taken back to 2011 and we'll wish for the things we take for granted here.... 80 degrees and sunshine.... palm trees sway... ocean waves crashing... beaches in every direction... and nothing but flip-flops for years on end.

We still have no decision on going or staying.  We are still debating, every day a new emotion, a difficult turn to make.  There is the call of all that is familiar, comfortable, loyal, faithful, and the feeling of needing to "get on with real life."  And then there's the selfish side of wanting to keep my children and my husband to myself just a little longer.  Not wanting to give up the tropical breezes, my prayer spot where the waves crash over giant black rocks and only surfers and me know about the secret spot.  Wanting to remember the days of no real schedules to keep and no long to-do lists.  It's all merit, all virtue, all redemptive, but the uncertainty of it, that's the part where I have to hold on to God and refuse... REFUSE to let Him go until He gives me the blessing, one way or the other.

Genesis 32:38 "The man said, "But no longer.  Your name is no longer Jacob.  From now on it's Israel (God-Wrestler); you've wrestled with God and you've come through."  

Tsunami Lessons

If anyone is really reading this, thank you!  I don't know if my words matter any less because I neglect them and because I have left them untended for so long and so sporadically that hardly anyone reads, but I think, somehow, that comments (verification that there are readers of the words) is somehow validation of the words themselves.

Anyway, on to the lessons in this weeks Tsunami.  Let me set the scene.  Brian is out of town for a week.  I am on day 5 of 7 days without our leader at the helm.  It's tiring for me, the "leading" of the house.  It doesn't feel natural to me.  It's not my role.  Probably some of you think this sounds weak or old-fashioned, but for me, I realize that I have talents, God has given me certain gifts (which arguably, could also be called curses, but that's another post), but decision making is certainly NOT one of those gifts.  So, when Brian is gone, I'm thrust into this unnatural role for me, of being in control and having to make all the decisions.  And I don't enjoy it.  So, enter last week, day 5 of 7, and my parents arrive in Hawaii for their first visit since the move.

We see them at 8:30 PM.  I haven't laid eyes on my Mama since early September of last year and I've never gone that long without seeing my Mama.  At 9:00, I get a call from a friend saying that there has been an earthquake in Japan, a tsunami, and that we are under a warning.  At 9:59, the first sirens go off.  And the "watch" escalates to a "warning" and we are in the "inundation zone" and therefore under mandatory evacuation orders.  10:30 PM - Out to the street to check the pulse of the neighbors.  There are a few people out.  Some are leaving, animals and water in tow.  Others are riding it out until the police come to force them out.  What should I do?  I have 8 people here (my four, me, Amy, and my parents.)  I don't know where to go if I do leave.  I can tell you the EXACT moment of a tornado warning that you should actually take cover (and it's usually about 10 minutes AFTER Lisa Van Patton tells you too. :)  I can tell you that you should not rush out for bread and milk when the Snowbird report sounds like Snow-Armageddon is just one more turn of the moon.  But tsunami warnings?  I'm lost.  And I'm alone to make the decision, what to do, where to go.  And I don't know very many people.

11:30 PM - I finally decide that we really should just go to be on the safe side.  But where?  It's the middle of the night.  In TN, there are at least 273 people I could call in the middle of the night and predict within 99.9% accuracy whether they would be awake and also whether they would be annoyed by my lack of planning.  But here, I only know the phone numbers of three or four people and I have NO idea what any of them would think of me showing up on their doorsteps at midnight with 8 people in tow.

11:48 PM - I finally decide, "Screw it!" I'm driving up the hill to Meg's best friend's house.  IF the lights are on, I'll knock.  If they aren't, then I'll pack up my brood and sleep the night in the school parking lot (which is what my next door neighbor was doing.)  ... the lights ARE on... I DO knock... Piula answers the door (that is her father's name) and it's obvious that he had been stretched out on the couch watching the coverage.  "Can we come here and stay with you?  I don't know where to go!" I tell him.  "Sure, come in," he says.  And his wife comes out and goes into action the way any good woman does when a friend is in crisis.  She clears floor space, moves her daughter from her bed, makes pallets, and starts slicing apples, cheese and opening crackers.  At midnight.

My parents take the guest room and presumably fall right to sleep.  My kids are already asleep and we just arrange them on the floors and couches and then collapse in front of the TV.

12:45 - a knock at the door.  Piula's uncle and three cousins are at the door.  "Is there room at the inn?"  So, we all shift around, I move kids from couches to bedroom floors, they gather more pillows and blankets, and Uncle settles into the recliner to watch with us.  Our hosts go to bed (after all, we're up on the hill now, well out of the danger zone.)  Amy falls asleep, but Uncle and I are both determined to be awake when this thing hits.  It was predicted to hit at 2:59 AM.

I am so glad that I was here for it.  So thankful that the wave did not cost lives.  It was really a different experience to watch the live coverage of Diamond Head beach (somewhere we frequent) as the water left the beach and exposed the reef.  And then... a small wave, splash, and nothing.  We all breathed a sigh of relief and went to bed.

So, that was the actual timeline of the night.  But what I learned was that love is an amazing thing.  At about 2:00 AM, I started to receive the phone calls from home.  As people were starting to wake up to the news, they started calling me.  One friend called to "wake me up" because he knows I tend to sleep through the tornado warnings in TN, but he didn't know if I had heard since this was middle of the night for us.  When I answered, he could hear the sirens wailing, and he had his answer.  My mother-in-law.  My dad!  All calling to make sure we were safe.

But I would expect that after living in the same home for 12 years, same town for 20, and the same state for 41 years, I would have some people who loved and concerned for me.  What was startling is that I was able to think of even one person I could turn to in the middle of the night in a place I've lived for 6 months.  In TN, it's called Southern Hospitality.  In Hawaii, it's called Aloha.  And it's the same spirit.

My heart breaks for the people of Japan.  My heart aches for what they are experiencing because we had warning, we made preparations, we lamented what to take and what to leave behind, but they had no warning.  And the devastation continues for them with no end in sight.  It seems so real to me after having experienced the threat.  Looking at my house, realizing what wouldn't survive the water, if it came.  It's sobering!  I've never been in a natural disaster that required an evacuation.

But on a lighter note, most of you won't be surprised to know that I actually, briefly, considered just putting my kids to be in their life-jackets and getting into my own comfy bed!  :)  I decided that was a bad idea, obviously, but the fact that I even considered it (or came up with it) sort of makes me chuckle at myself.  Which brings me back to the original point... it's a really GREAT thing that I'm not the one making the decisions most of the time.  ha!

Whew! Almost too much to say...

if that's even possible.

First of all, something funny.  Liam had his Lion's club eye exam at school last week.  As a reward for being good through the exam, they gave him a pair of "slippas" (flip flops.)  Only in Hawaii! :)

We have a foster dog right now... well actually TEN foster dogs.  She has nine puppies that are only three days old right now.  I hope we can keep them to see them adopted.  What an experience for the kids.

Brian leaves for "the mainland" tomorrow.  I'm so sad.  Really, it's hard to be so far from family, but it's really really hard to know that the leader of our home is unreachable for 14 hours and then, in the event of an emergency, he couldn't be here in less than 24 hours (at which point, the emergency would already be over anyway.)  I don't like it and my stomach is in knots just dreading it.

My parents arrive on Friday!  I can't wait to see them.  I've never been six months without seeing my Mama!  (Brian will be back on Saturday, so I'll have them to myself for a day.)

My parents leave the following Friday.  But other TN friends arrive the Thursday before they leave.  My closest friend just left on Tuesday.  It's an insane month, to be sure!

Monsoon like rains here for the past few days.  The rainstorms here are one thing I'm going to miss when we move back.  I really love the massive storms here (because there is no lightening to speak of and no threat of tornado.)

Did I mention the puppies?  OH SO SWEET!

My sweet friend, Shawn, who runs Snooty Giggles Dog Rescue, is featured in Nashville Lifestyles Magazine this month as one of the 100 best things about Nashville.  How cool is that?  She deserves it too.  She's the real deal.  If you're ever looking for a new family friend, look up Snooty Giggles on Petfinder.  She's truly one of a kind in the rescue field.  (Did I mention that I have 9 puppies at my house right now?  Heaven!)

DO NOT take your kids to see Rango unless you like to have them hear animals tell other animals to "Go to hell!"  "I'll send you to hell."  And "Just sign the damned thing!"  I mean, if you're down with your kids hearing animals cuss where profanity is not necessary to make the point, then by all means, be my guest.  But I will not be seeing another Nickelodean movie without first checking the reviews from other sensible parents.  Very disappointing!  Otherwise, it was an okay movie, but I didn't like the religious symbolism they used.   But my kids wouldn't have picked up on that part, so I could have excused that part if it hadn't been for the blatantly trying to expose children and desensitize them to profanity.  Ugh!

Please pray for Charlie.  Hope's brother!  This family does NOT need another battle on their hands.

Pray for Brian and me as we try to decide where the Lord is leading us from here.  Are we to commit to another year in Hawaii or come home at the end of the school year.  Our hearts and minds are torn, just trying to hear God's will for our family.

My dear friend and neighbor, Angel, has a recurring brain tumor and is currently undergoing radiation.  She has two young children and is a precious woman.  Please lift her up if you would!

And lastly I have two friends who are facing some obstacles in their marriages.  I think all of us married folks could really use a strong dose of God and Grace.  Would you remember to pray with me for all of our marriages?

Here's a video of a song I just discovered.... hope you enjoy it as much as I am.

Running on....

I feel like the term "run on" is my life-theme sometimes.  Run-on sentences, activities strung together one after the other with little pause in between, etc.  It's been nice to experience a big fat comma in my life while in Hawaii.... but I feel like we are taking that inhaled breath that you take just before you say something.  Because we are sort of starting to prepare ourselves for our return to TN.  I'm surprised at how sad I feel at the thought of what we'll leave.  I love my life at home, I'm sure it will return to "normal", running on and on and on the minute we hit the ground, but there will be things that I will probably spend a second each day missing for the rest of my life.  I'll miss being two blocks from the beach, there's no question about that.  I'll miss a million other things too.  Brian told me last night that I needed to be sure to walk out on the pool deck every night for the next couple of months because I still marvel at the site of moon shadows cast by a palm tree.

Yesterday, while I was running, I hit this song on my playlist and I just love the words to it and thought I would share them with you too.  This is from Third Day, it's called, This is Who I Am:

I'm the son (daughter) of a good man

I'm the child of an angel

I'm the brother of a wild one (I always think of my own brother at that line.)

And I'm looking for direction

I'm the lover of a beauty (strong man)

I'm the father (mother) of blessings

I'm the singer of a lovesong

But is that all I'm good for?

This is who I am, oh this is who I am

So take me and make me something so much more

This is who I am, oh this is who I am

So change me and make me someone better than before

I'm a saint and sinner

I'm a lover and a fighter

I'm a true believer

With great desire (that word desire!  my desire to please Him is so strong, but my actions are not always in line with my desire.  I think that's why this song resonates with me... He won't leave me as He found me.)

I'm a preacher of grace

Profit of love, teacher of truth

I've fallen down so many times

But here I stand, in front of You

This is who I am, oh this is who I am

So take me and make me something so much more

This is who I am, oh this is who I am

So change me and make me someone better than before

So take me as I am 

But please don't leave me that way

Cause I know You can

Make me better than I am today!

This is who I am, oh this is who I am

So take me and make me something so much more

This is who I am, oh this is who I am

So change me and make me someone better than before

Hope you enjoyed it.  I hope you had a wonderful Valentines Day, and I hope you find the strength to "run on" today! :) 

Hebrews 12:1

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  

Rest....

Is it just me, or does anyone else go along for great periods of time, heaping things onto their plates and then being surprised to wake up one day and feel no energy or zest for the tasks you've heaped onto yourself?  I think "excitement" of moving and "adventure" of a new place have caught up to me and many things have piled on to my plate to bring me to a point where I am forced to just sit in solitude and contemplation with God (yet again.... seems I am constantly learning this lesson OVER and OVER.)  You see, the decision to move here seemed pretty quick and straight-forward.  Always up for an adventure, I hopped on the band wagon without all that much thought to what would lie beyond the initial excitement of a new culture, etc.  In theory I knew we would all depend on one another more, all learn alot from new cultural experiences, all expand our boundaries and our comfort zones, and that growing pains are always just that... pains!  So intellectually I embraced these things because I knew that on the other side of this adventure, we would all be different and right about the time I came here, different seemed to be a good option for many reasons.

Now, I am in the thick of the season.  Not missing home as much as I once did because I've gotten over the restlessness of not filling my days with the "busy-ness" of life in TN.  But in some ways, more scared than ever.  You see, our stints here come in 90 day commitments.  While this seemed a small enough bite (or is it bight?) to digest back in September, the uncertainty has started to wear on me.  I miss my friends!  Right now we are only signed here through April.  But we were originally only signed through January.  It could be April that we return home. If so, that means only 13 weeks left here and that seems like not much time to spend doing all the things we have come to love about life in Hawaii.  But then again, there's a distinct possibility we will be extended through the end of June.  If that is the case, then I don't feel the urge to start cramming things into life.  And of course, there's always that looming thought, "What if they want us beyond June?"  That bridge is just too far out there to contemplate, but I think if we do reach that point, I need bigger time chunks of commitment.  It's very difficult to live life in three month segments.  On the one hand, if I know I'm here longer, then I begin to put down roots and nourish new friendships and seek out community and establish different lifestyle, etc. etc.  If we are leaving, then I start to disentangle myself from the few commitments I have already made.  I'm sort of caught in this place where I have a foot in both worlds.

So, I've spent alot of time just seeking God's face on this one.  I felt like Jacob several times where I THOUGHT that I was just in the dirt wrestling with the angel trying to not let him go until he gave me the answers.  But... as is typical for me, I was sort of missing the point altogether.  Listen to what Oswald Chambers had to say in today's devotional from My Utmost for His Highest.    "Spiritual lust causes me to demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God Himself who gives the answer. What have I been hoping or trusting God would do? Is today “the third day” and He has still not done what I expected?....Whenever we insist that God should give us an answer to prayer we are off track. The purpose of prayer is that we get ahold of God, not of the answer."  Duh!  I've been looking hard for the answers, not for God Himself!  How MANY times must I learn this lesson, Oh Lord, before you bash my feeble brain in with the message?  Always the answer, Lord, always the answer, and never satisfied just to find You!  Mr. Chambers goes on to say, "If we will only obey, and do the task that He has placed closest to us, we will see Him." (emphasis mine) So, I did not have enough of this by the time I finished with My Utmost... I need more.  Then Jesus Calling for today reads:  "Come to Me for rest and refreshment.  The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone-weary.  Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion.  Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life."  And I realize that I'm not really weary of the things I have been walking through, I'm actually loving the permission God has given me here to live ONE DAY AT A TIME.  I realize that the uncertainty of having no defined timeline has allowed me to free myself from long-term commitments to committees and responsibilities I would have at  home.  I've squandered much of this freedom, but just because I'm a slow learner doesn't mean I can't learn! :)  Thanks, God, for not letting go of ME (not the other way around) and sticking with me until I GOT the blessing, not until you RELEASED it.  As with so many relationships in my life (and probably those in everyone else's life too) my perspective is always clouded by my viewpoint (looking out from in) rather than trying to see that not all paths are necessarily visible to me, but it doesn't mean they aren't there.  Jesus Calling finished up with this and I absolutely loved it, "This sounds like an easy assignment, but it is not.  Your desire to live in My Presence goes against the grain of "the world, the flesh, and the devil."  Much of your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents. However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up!"  Thank You, God, that sometimes when I am stubborn and dense, you are still willing to smack me in the head with the message, right there in black and white.  Thanks for coming out for me today and not letting me sit here in the darkness.  


‘If you do away with the yoke, the clenched fist, the 


wicked word, if you give your bread to the hungry, 


and relief to the oppressed, your light will rise in the 


darkness, and your shadows become like noon’ 


(Isaiah 58:9-10)

Things I love...

I'm not going to bother listing all the obvious things... of course I love my family!  No self-respecting Southern girl would leave Jesus off the list.  Let's just consider those all common denominators and givens. But here is a list of things that might or might not be unique to me....

1.  I love to go barefoot.  Thank you Autumn Petersen and TOMS shoes for creating a national day where I can do it for a cause.  There are people in my hometown who still look surprised when they see me in shoes (that's how much I was barefoot as a child and teen.)

2.  I love flip-flops!  There are times when you can't be barefoot, and for those occasions, I love flip-flops.  (That might be one of my favorite things about Hawaii, I have not had on a closed toed shoe in 6 months except to run.)

3.  I LOVE my coffee in the morning.  Love might not be a strong enough word for my relationship with my morning brew.  I'm completely dependent.

4.  I love to read!  I have three books going right now and it is so great.
     a)  Cane River - by Lalita Tademy.  I am reading this book with an AMAZING bunch of women of very diverse backgrounds and we are discussing it via facebook because we are located across the globe,  many states on that mainland, Kenya, Finland, and beyond....  and it's just exactly what I needed right now... virtual COMMUNITY!  :)  If you like a book to challenge and push you, this is a good one.

     b)The New Eve,



     c) So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore  Wow, if you have a daughter, I encourage you to read this book.  I mean, every woman needs to hear what's in this book, really, but I think for women with daughters, we pass on so many things from our past unknowingly and it becomes a heritage as women to walk through the world with this bag of insecurities.  Anyway, I have wrestled with this book and I'm still only halfway through.  It's painful at many points.  Not because of what she says but because of what you have to face.  But I don't want to carry that bag around anymore so I'm unloading it a chapter at a time... whew!    (and now you know why I'm not blogging much... I'm too busy reading! :)

5.  I love girlfriends.  There's no substitute for good girlfriends.  Really, a good husband is a great thing to have and so important in my life.  But there is really nothing in the world that nourishes my soul the way my relationships with friends do.  Women can just love one another in a different way than we can love members of the opposite sex.  Some of my dearest friends are women I've met through adoptions, some of them I've never laid eyes on face to face.  But the girls who will drop by with a glass of wine at just the right time, the one friend who loves coffee as much as me and we call one another if we're making an impromptu run to Starbucks... that's the type of thing women do for you that is just not conceivable to live without, don't you think?

6.  I love drive thrus.  I will just tell you now that I am spoiled rotten.  I don't want to get out of the car for anything if I don't have to.  I like to buckle my brats angels into their little seats and drive through every errand imaginable without having to drag their sweet little cherub faces out of the car.  They don't have drive thrus in HI.  Seriously!  Not at the pharmacy... not the dry cleaners.... not Starbucks... only one I've found is McDonalds, and even then they aren't very convenient to get into.

7.  Coke!  If I can't have coffee, then give me a Coke.  Give me a Coke product.  Give me anything caffeinated and dark (but PLEASE do NOT make it a Pepsi. As I said to Amy regarding said Super Bowl commercial, "No self respecting Southerner would have a Pepsi.")  My dad thinks I'm crazy, but if I go to a restaurant that has Pepsi products, I'll just drink water.  And after that commercial tonight on the Super Bowl, I'll not be drinking any Pepsi products for life.  Really?  I might have to make a "hate" list if I see this too many more times.  (but that wouldn't be very Valentine'ish of me, would it?)



8.  My husband... because he bought me a ticket to go home next weekend.  I know I'm going to be heckled for saying this, but I really can't wait to put on a scarf and my favorite boots.  I've been wearing the same shorts for six months and I will enjoy some cold weather for a few days. (It's easier to enjoy it when you know you're coming back to 78 and sunny in about six days... )  I cannot wait to get home.  I have been so touched that all my friends have asked to spend time with me and I just can't wait to hug them all around the neck.

9.  Shave Ice... I'm really going to miss that when I get to TN.  I might have to buy a Shave Ice machine! :)

10.  Dogs!  Love me some dogs.  Love most everything about them, but particularly the way they love me back.  I can't really imagine life without one for long.  When you smell and no one else likes you very much and you haven't brushed your teeth or your hair, when you've burned the dinner and yelled at the kids and lost your temper one too many times, your dog will still curl up with you and give you a big fat kiss... especially if you are lucky enough to own a Golden Retriever!  :)  Can't wait to get home and spend some time with Scout (Sonja's dog), Rocky (Sandra's dog), and every one of Shawn's ten or twelve dogs.  :)

Open letter to the departures gate at HNL International Airport

Dear Departures Gate:

I want you to know that I did not set out to develop this aversion to you.  I believe that I began visiting you with an open mind.  However, over the past several weeks, I have learned that you are not an entity to be taken lightly.  I have brought you the most beloved people in my life and time and again you have swallowed them whole, none of whom I have seen again, I might add.  I have complained multiple times about this issue, but still I have no resolution.  Just today, for example, it happened again.  I brought you my own Daddy and he too disappeared through your corridors.  I have yet to know what's become of him.

Furthermore, I might note that your brother, the arrivals gate, does a fantastic job.  I have never once had an issue with him.  He has delivered exactly what was promised, on time, every single month.  I am confused how two entities working so closely together, even looking so similar to one another, can have such paradoxical ethics.  You might try taking a lesson or two from him, if you hope to improve your reputation.

I want to go on record as having stated that I am filing a formal complaint against you.  I've had it with your heartless attitude and careless disregard for my feelings.  Consider yourself duly warned!

Sincerely,

Sasha!

Why is it so hard?

Why is being a follower sometimes so hard, and at the same time, so beautiful?  I KNOW God has brought us here to Hawaii for a reason, a season, and a blessing.  But, whenever someone visits, it's SO hard to see them go.

My brother, sister-in-law, and sweet, yummy, precious little niece came to visit us last week.  They left the frozen tundra of TN for the balmy weather of Hawaii, and I couldn't stop staring at my little niece.  You wouldn't have either... she's a doll baby.  That's Tennessee-speak for precious! :)

See what I mean?

Look at those EYES!  I know the photo is over-exposed, but I think it might be my favorite of the week because of her EYES!

My brother is just so awesome.  I've told you all so many times how amazing he is, how proud I am of him, and how much I love him, but really, every time I spend time with him, I'm reminded of how much better he is than me in so many ways and how much I want to grow up to be more like him.  Most of all I respect him.  He's fun and funny and energetic.  My kids love him to pieces and he never seems to lose patience or energy for their shenanigans.  We're still laughing at some of his stories.

My sister-in-law is so easy to get along with too.  She's just one of those people you can have around you all the time and she never starts to wear on you or you never feel like it's any work to love her.  I wish I could be more like that. Believe me, I'm sure there are alot of people that are glad to see me go at the end of a visit.  But they are so purposeful, thoughtful, amazing... I'm blessed.  BUT.... it's SO HARD to see them go.  They were just such a real reminder, yet again, of how amazing my life and relationships are at home.  So I came home from the airport yesterday and had myself a little pitty party by the pool.

But I woke up this morning and remembered that I am here for a season and a reason.  I tend to romanticize home when I get homesick and I know if I were there, the busy-ness of life would overcome me and I wouldn't have time to appreciate all the things I long for.  Plus I wouldn't get to lick my wounds by the pool, I'd be licking them by the heat vents.  :)  And I'm learning to sit in my restlessness and let God mold me through it rather than trying to soothe it myself with some activity or "project."  I'm also learning with a new clarity just how BAD I am at resting!

And besides, it really feels a bit ridiculous and selfish to long for ANYTHING when I have this in my back yard....

We heard the surf report yesterday that there would be 25-40 (that's FORTY) foot faces on the North Shore, so after church, we loaded up two cars and went to see for ourselves.

You really can't tell from the photos, they don't do it justice, but I've never seen anything this big in my life.

They were as tall as our house....

I don't have good shots of the surfers because they were like little dots on the wave, you can barely see them.

There were crowds of people, but most of them were behind us because the beach was roped off due to dangerous conditions.  We weren't allowed to get close to the shoreline.  In fact, the lifeguards were patrolling on their 4 wheelers keeping everyone behind a certain point.  That girl in the photo above was about to get yelled at over the loud-speaker!  

Our family is thriving here.  I love so many things about the island.  And I am not going to lose sight of what I love here and the fact that this is a very short period of time, in the grand scheme of things.  I'm not going to allow myself to dwell on what I'm missing.  I do long for the companionship and familiarity of home, but you know what, home is still there. My friends still love me and they are still there.  They will still be there when I get back too.  And we won't have lost our love for one another or our companionship and familiarity.  I KNOW that God is working in my family while I am here.  I KNOW that God is moving in my husband as I see him growing and changing through his job and the church we are attending here. I see him becoming a more thoughtful follower. It's amazing to me that God can do this for someone in a place like Hawaii, where it seems we are practically the only Christians in the neighborhood.  My brother told me that Hawaii is actually the most un-churched state in the US.  Seems odd that God would bring us somewhere like this to speak to us in a way, but then again, it seems hard to ignore Him with all His work around us all the time.  He is in every single element of this island from the lovely people to the amazing scenery, awe-inspiring ocean, majestic mountains, and warm air.  

And don't get me wrong, it's not like we aren't having fun.  In fact, the friends we have made here are fun, we've laughed so much, eaten TOO much, and just plain old relaxed ALOT.  We've done more as a family than we ever did in TN.  We spend our weekends together, doing activities together, not just attending one persons sporting event or activity, but all participating together.  I don't want to allow one day of this experience to be robbed from me.  I want to treat it like the blessing it is and the growth opportunity that I think God intended it to be.  And I just want to appreciate it!  

I am sure this post has been boring for you, if you are even still reading.  But I mostly wrote it so that I can be reminded, when I start to think I need to go home, that there are so many reasons that being here is a good thing and that God's got this.  He holds the experience in His hands for all of us.  Me, you, all our friends at home; He can and will make something more amazing than we can dream IF I can step out of myself and just get out of my own way.  

Anyway, my dad will be here tomorrow, so there's no time for lamenting too long.  I have lots of stuff planned to do with him, including a trip to the big island, Maui, and Pearl Harbor.  I really can't wait to see my Daddy.

Friends, Isolation, and a Time-Out

I really have felt lately that I am starting to "get" why God brought us here to Hawaii.  When we first arrived, I was so restless.  I couldn't enjoy the slower pace because all I could think of was what I was missing, what I "should" or would be doing if I was back home.  I missed fostering the dogs!  I missed my family and the occasional visits!  I missed my friends!  I MISSED my dog! I missed my sweet neighbor most of all.  I was just biding my time until God would let us go home.  In fact, I even asked Him a few times just to hurry up and get the point across to me, let me have the lesson so I could leave and return to my full and busy life.  

But God wasn't sending me a plane ticket in the mail and He wasn't in any great hurry to reveal His motives to me either.  As usual, His timing, not mine.... dangit!  So I sat, friends and family came and went, more friends and family booked tickets, and each time someone left I wished I was going with them and worried how long it would be before I saw them again.  But now, I'm starting to be okay with the waiting. I'm "settling down" as I would say to my kids and not so anxious or impatient for God to "let me go" home again.  I'm starting to understand that He has me here, in this time-out, for a reason.  And the slowed pace may very well actually BE the reason.  I am finding that it's much easier to find time to spend with God on my own here.  I first started out frantically trying to find a Bible study because I knew I needed someone to keep me honest about the time I spent with God.  But now, I'm finding that I'm doing okay for now, just seeking Him each day on my own.  Meandering around through the Bible is okay for now.  I have never been one who could really sit down and read the Bible without a "purpose", a lesson plan, or a search for specific Scripture in relation to a circumstance.  Now, I'm finding that it's okay for me to just wander through God's Word, sometimes recalling familiar stories and verses I have heard 1,000 times, other times, finding new stories or new details to stories that I hadn't given notice before.  (Maybe it's because they sound totally different now that I'm not reading them in the King James.  As far as I know, the only Bible I owned was King James until I was 25.)  

Today, Meg had a play date with a friend from school.  My two favorite little girls from her class were including her in a play-date and I was so happy that she was finally getting some friends to play with.  When I got to the home, it was so inviting, the little girl's mother had made blueberry muffins and coffee, the smell was wonderful, the home was so inviting and cozy.  And the two other moms and I sat around the kitchen table talking for two hours to the sound of our girls giggling and singing.  It was a little slice of heaven.  Finally, I had some "comforts" of being in a familiar setting.  We chatted and talked and they were asking about our transition, and the word, "isolated", came out of my mouth regarding our move.  And that's the first time I think I had put a name to what I felt.  I wasn't so much lonely, though there were moments, I wasn't so much homesick, though I certainly have been at times, I was just restless and something else.... and today I realized what it was.  I have felt isolated. I've felt so disconnected from friends.  I have no real opportunities to go home.  I mean, besides the fact that it costs around $1000 to get home, I could stomach that if I really needed to; but it's a very difficult trip.  It's a long way to go for a few days, and I can't see leaving the kids longer than that.  So I've just gotten no peace at all about planning a trip back.  And I think it's been the right decision.  God is slowly but surely revealing to me that the peace of being still is exactly what He wanted for me right now. 

I tend to think that when God corners me and demands my attention, He is trying to move me in a new direction, tell me something He wants from me, or generally rock my world.  But this time, I don't really know if that's what it's about.  I don't think God always has to have my attention to tell me to GO somewhere, maybe what He's trying to tell me is that He just wants my attention, without motive or ultimatum, He just wants me to listen... it's never been my strong suit (just ask my husband and friends) but I'm really trying to learn.  

But I'm still getting pierced! :) 

The shortest lived piercing in history.....

Meg got her ears pierced today.  I have nothing to prove that this happened except a $30 pair of white gold CZ earrings.  It was totally spur of the moment (I know that surprises every single one of you) as we were at the mall, we saw another little girl sitting in the chair at Claire's getting her ears done and we just said "go for it."  She was so brave.  She didn't even wince when they stuck the earring in.  The only comment she made was, "Woo, that hurt!"  Then she told Brian, "Just a little pinch."  But later in the afternoon, the wound started to ache, as any wound is want to do (even the self-inflicted ones.)  And she decided that the cost of beauty was just too high.  How could I force her to live out the pain of her decision.  I saw a painful reflection of some of my own decisions in this little small example my daughter was showing me.  So I helped her remove the earrings.  I gave her some ibuprofen and I kissed her ears and told her if she changed her mind later, we'd go again.  And you know what, it was worth the $35 just to see how proud she was of herself.  She called every little friend she has and both her grandmothers to tell them how big she was and it was worth every dime.  She even Skyped with my mom and got to show off her short-lived bling.  But in the end, the earrings came out, the holes are already closed up, and I am wearing the earrings myself.

But I sort of developed this fascination with piercing from watching how wonderful my daughter felt from her new-found beauty.  I'm thinking there will be another piercing in my future, but I'm not going to tell you where I am putting it until after it's done (mostly because I know my mother is terrified even as she is reading this and I will get a call or e-mail in the next five minutes with her opinion about whether or not I should do this.)  In the end, Ondrea would probably never get another piercing.  But you know what, Ondrea would not have let her four year old daughter get her ears pierced either.  But guess what... Sasha WOULD!  And Sasha is thinking that by Monday or Tuesday, you can look for a photo of my new bling.  We'll see... maybe I'll change my mind when the high of my daughter's right of passage wears off.  You'll just have to come back and see! :)

Where did it go?

Has anyone seen the month of December?  Cause last time I looked at the calendar it was December 17th.  And today the kids went back to school and it's all over.  How in the heck did that happen?

I do have proof that I lived some fun moments for the past three weeks... but... but.... where did it go????

Our dear friends arrived from TN on 12/17.  Meg was SO happy to finally have one of her friends here that we didn't actually see her until after they left.  :)

They were really happy to see the sunshine since they left snow and freezing temps to get here.  

Meg was over the moon!

North Shore hat purchases.... 

North Shore chill fest.... 

Heading out for a night of karaoke.  Hil-air-e-ous!

The kids gaping at Bob (the tree)

Of course there was surfing....  (that is NOT me, by the way.  It's my friend from TN... she's a natural!)

and more surfing....

stunt surfing....  (that's Jack!)

and double surfing....  did I mention that our friends are actually the parents of one of Jack's best friends too!  

It did rain a few days while they were here...  but we didn't let it stop the fun.

Is this the cutest hat you've ever seen?  Or maybe it's just the face that makes the hat cute.  Yes, I think that's what it is! 

The caves at Here to Eternity Beach

Our prom picture.  I think the them was "Almost Heaven"  haha

By the end of the week, we were all exhausted, a few pounds heavier, and sad to see them go! 

We saw the Hawaiian version of Santa

The Who's down in Who-ville came out on Christmas morning. 

The goodies were out of control after Santa left his stash.

Four days after our friends left, Lani came for a stay.... 

She's sweet and gorgeous and I can't wait for her to go so I don't have to walk her.  :(

Then we had a New Year's Eve party... and things got a little out of hand.

Yes, those are actually pop-its on the floor... we (the adults) had a bit of a war with the kids Pop-its.

Guess who wasn't laughing when she had to clean it up! :(

See, I really did have fun and we did ALOT, but I swear it only lasted about 3 days!