For some reason, God saw fit to flood my life with visions and images of Ethiopian orphans all day today. First, I went over to Kristi's house today. She just returned from Ethiopia with her PRECIOUS (too gorgeous for words) daughter from Ethiopia. And as if that wasn't enough to send a girl over the edge of jealousy ( I mean, truly, this is a yummy little baby! ) her sister Kelly, showed up with her son, Nathan. And then comes Tracy and her son. Angie and her little girl, Macy. And Katie was there (not from Ethiopia, but still the mother of 13 gorgeous little Africans) which, say no more. But the real kicker was that Tracy's daughter, Elle, just returned from a seven week trip to Africa (where she actually got to spend some time with Gwen's son, Joseph, and shared some photos of that sweet time!) and she was generous enough to show us (all us adoptive mamas) all the photos she took in the various orphanages she served during her time and was even more kind to point out all the beautiful children who are still without families. Well, you know where this is going!
I blubbered all the way through it. I cried for these children who are not likely to find families. The odds are totally against them that they will ever know the love of a parent. The odds are not good that they will have any opportunity at what we know as family. The odds are about 147,000,000 to one, in fact. So, how can I say to Brian, just this morning, that I know I am done having kiddos because I am getting rid of all my baby stuff at the fall consignment sales and not one bit sad about it. And in the same day, see children without mothers and WEEP for them, knowing that I can't parent them and they likely don't have alot of hope of finding any parent in life. I come home and Kristine has posted a link on her blog to a family who is in Ethiopia right now adopting a sibling group of three. Wow! And Tracy and her family are in the process of adopting four children from Ethiopia to add to their already full home. And again, I'm driven to that place in my heart where I ask God why He shows me all this if He doesn't intend to use me to "fix" it somehow. And at the same time, I know that "fixing" it, doesn't necessarily mean bringing another child into my home. It means something bigger. There's nothing bigger for ONE CHILD than joining a family. And someone (maybe you!) are a child's only chance at a family. But I can't adopt 147,000,000, so no matter how many times I decide to add a child to my home, somewhere it has to end and there will still be beautiful children out there without mamas. I'll still be running across stories and photos all the times of others who need a Mommy. It's just the life I live, I am "in that circle" where everyone I know is in the throes of this life we call 'orphan awareness.' So, as much as EVERY part of me wants to grab up every child in every one of Elle's photos and be "the one" for "that one", I also know that at some point, I have to figure out how to be bigger than myself... how to be bigger than bringing one child into this one home. And I know that God already knows the answer to that.
Will you please pray with me that He will reveal to me what He wants me to do with all this? What will bring Him glory in my sorrow for these children? What is His big idea in how we can all work together to solve this crisis. It is a crisis. We CAN all work together. If we all do something, we'll be one body and the body will be complete. What's my part? What's yours?