The truth as I know it:

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time & miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands. ~~~ Kristi Larson

Monday, September 27, 2010

In the "clampets go Hawaiian" category

Yes, I know... I've been all hoity toity about our arrival here, like we haven't embarrassed ourselves or made Tennessee's reputation any worse around the globe, but here's the truth:

1.  How many times can members of one family run through a screen or go head on into a sliding glass door before they start to realize that it's not always open?  We even put stickers on the glass, but it doesn't seem to help.  Meg and Jack have done it multiple times.  Connor and ME once each.  Seriously, both Connor and I have knocked the screen out of the track.  Meg and Jack have both run into the glass so many times we know the sound now without asking what it was.  Let me tell you, it's a shock when you think you're walking outside but are stopped by some semi-invisible force-field.  I know how Luke Skywalker felt now!
1.a. The Amazing Amy has actually run into HER screen door too... which is just a normal old screen door with major black frame around it.  Total Rednecks!

2.  We have successfully seduced the neighbor's cat, Pumba, with cans of tuna.  In my animal withdrawals, I couldn't help myself.  And now he cries outside The Amazing Amy's door at night wanting more food.  The neighbor (who actually owns Pumba) approached us tonight to say that they were worried because they haven't seen him in 2 days.  Had we seen him?  "Yes, he's been at our house.  I can't imagine why he isn't coming home."  Hmmmmmm?  He's some fancy shmansy breed of chinchilla persian.... we don't have them there sorts of cats in TN.... we just have the plain old kind you find on the side of the road!
2.a. Speaking of cats you find on the side of the road, our kitty, Mickey (you know, the one that needed hip replacement right before we left) has been doctored back to health by the fine folks at Battleground Hospital for Animals.  He is walking with a slight limp, but has all four legs and will soon be ready to go home with some lucky family who is willing to adopt him... hint hint friends!

3.  I framed the sign my BFF, Sonja, gave me.  It says, "Think Globally... Act Hillbilly".  I LOVE it... I put it on the porch where I "take my coffee" in the mornings! :)  Yes, I "take my coffee" now.  That's fancy talk for "sit down and try to jolt myself awake with a mega-dose of caffeine as I curse the sun."

4.  I told the neighbors that we liked to swim before bedtime and we hoped it wasn't bothering them.  The neighbors said, "Oh, we hear you guys!"  Does that mean we are loud?  I guess opening the front door and yelling, "Jack.... Liam.... time for dinner" would be out of the question here.  Even at home it occurred to me that it was a bit "farmish" for me to do that, but that's how I was raised.  I got "called in for dinner" before the days of cell phones and iPods, so every child needs their parents to embarrass them from time to time, just to keep it real, right?

5.  Brian "lost" the keys to his new Jeep.  He bought a Jeep on Thursday and lost the ONLY key on Sunday.  You should have heard the words coming out of his mouth this morning at 6:45 when he was trying to leave for work.  Boy, I haven't heard words like that since I used to play golf.  Anyway, Amazing Amy found them... they were sitting on top of the dust pan in the garage?  Lord only knows.....

6.  I know it's a shock that someone as organized and attentive as me.... oh look, a chicken..... would fail to visit the hairdresser before coming out to another country Hawaii.  But, I did.... and so, my roots were about 3 inches long.  It's not a very good look when you combine with that the fact that I decided to give myself some dramatic highlighted bangs this summer and dissolved half my bangs in the process.  What?  I didn't know that if you wadded up hair when it had bleach on it it would spontaneously combust.  Well, it didn't actually catch fire, but it did get smoking hot and when I unfurled it from it's clip, about two inches of dissolved away in my hands.  What was left was basically clear.  Add that to hair that had already suffered some major sort of paralyzation from the lice treatment we did back in April and you have some not so nice affects.  Anyway, that's way back in June.  Fast forward to September, Hawaii, and ten inch roots.... I, in my infinite wisdom, decided it would just be best to try to skip the whole bleach thing this time around and go with some sort of semi-permanent (something that I don't understand.... isn't that actually an oxy-moron?  I mean, if it's permanent, how can it be "semi") hair color.  I selected a shade called "Caramel" because for some reason, I always love the thought of caramel colored hair.  What I got was a nice shade of lavender.  NOT joking!  My hair was actually a lovely shade of purple when I got out of the shower.  So.... it was either CUT IT all off (think Sinead O'Connor) or go super-dark.  I opted to go super-dark, which explains yesterday's photo at the Bay and the dark hair.  I still may end up having to cut it off because the color is fading suspiciously fast.  I'm reminded of that song, Sunscreen, where he says, "Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you are 30 it will look 85."  Yeah, maybe I should have remembered the song BEFORE all the hair drama! :)


Kristine said...

Well Ellie made me laugh...almost to the point of tears. Thank you!

Your Hillbilly Friend from Kansas,

Tiger & Kar said...

ohmygoodness - you had me from the first sentence but the chicken comment totally did me in. Hawaii is so lucky to have you as their guest!! You crack me up!


Nicole said...

You must be Ellie Mae !
You really crack me up girl!

Tracy said...

Sister, you just keep shining your LIGHT out in Hawaii!! They'll all be better or it! Post a pic of that hair! Oh my!

Melanie Hollis said...

LOVE this hilarious. I am totally not shocked the neighbor's cat has taken up with Amy and vice versa. In addition to being "Amazing Amy", she is also "Amy Doolittle"...ha! ha! And the hair? Get out. We could be twins with our dark hair!!! Keep posting pictures...we are living vicariously through you.