What Is it with Me and Publix?

So, there is obviously some really weird vibe going on between me and Publix on Royal Oaks. Today was yet another encounter of the loony kind for me... this time in the Publix parking lot. First of all, let me set the stage for you. Connor, Meg and I left the house this morning at 9:30 because our school was having their one mile fitness run at the local park today. We arrive in plenty of time, cheer Liam on at several stops along his one mile trek (read me dragging two unwilling toddlers to various cheering locations around a one mile track) and took many photos. I might add here that Liam would not get his water until the last of his classmates had crossed the finish because he felt it was critical for HIM to be there to cheer them over the line... but I digress (or progress, hmmm?) Anyway.... moving on.

We then baked in the hot sun on the playground without any sunscreen played for 30 minutes while waiting for Jack to arrive at the park. When Jack's class does arrive, we once again drag ourselves around the various spots on the one mile track to cheer for Jack. It's important to note at this point that Jack was a little less encouraged by my presence than Liam was. We started today with a discussion on the merits of hot Southern weather and why it's very unreasonable to want to wear your HOODED SWEATSHIRT and your long jeans to school when it's 90 degrees outside, particularly on the day of the mile run. Let's just say that at every turn where I was trying to encourage Jack to run, run, run, he was scowling and saying, "I want my jeans." During the class photo, he had his arms crossed across his chest and was glaring at me with all his might. As I drag the children away from said park to head off to the always fun weekly grocery trip, Jack is hanging out the bus window saying, "Please Mom, bring me some jeans." Before you go judging me as the most ridiculous mother on the planet and someone who is unable to identify a battle worth fighting, let's just say that we have already addressed this issue to DEATH this year with the clothes and I forced the issue because I was at my wits end on the topic of ever-narrowing acceptable attire for Jack. It's almost worth the exorbitant price of private school just to have a uniform. I know, I'll look back at this and realize it wasn't worth it, but sometimes you just have to draw the line when it reaches this point of total insanity. Anyway... on to Publix.

So, we do our entire 1.5 hour shopping trip whereby I avoid many sugary requests in favor of more healthy options like fresh fruit. I'm feeling like super mom, able to avoid toddler tantrums in a single bound, when I reach the register and realize.... AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH..... I have left my COUPONS in the car. GASP!!!!! Okay, no biggy, I'll just pay now, go get the coupons, bring them, the receipt, the toddlers BACK inside and get a refund at the service desk. I unload the groceries, get the coupons and head back inside when Meg decides she has HAD ENOUGH! There will just simply be no more of this toting back and forth to things that don't involve Mickey Mouse or a trampoline. She puts her foot down firmly in the form of a swift smack to my face, a complete meltdown, screaming, head spinning episode... right.there.in.the.parking.lot! I put her over my shoulder so that she will stop smacking me (you know, sort of like you carry the 50 pound bag of dog food where her waist is on my shoulder, her feet are hanging at my tummy, her head is at my back.) She screams and grabs my shirt so I realize she is a little scared that I am going to drop her. I pull her back onto my hip and say "don't hit mama." To which she responds with kicking, screaming, and more smacking. So, back over the shoulder she goes. This time there is a nice little lady wearing a "Grace Fellowship Bible Church" shirt who says, "Oh, that is just so wrong." Now... picture this scene, all with Connor orbiting somewhere around me.

I turn (whether it was my whole body or just my head spinning 360 degrees, I'm still not sure) to face the lady, firmly holding said toddler on one shoulder and brandishing a pointing finger with the other I say, very rudely I might add, "That is NOT wrong. Let me tell you something... she is having a complete meltdown because she wants to stay in the car and she is sick of being drug around town and it's her nap time and she is smacking me and rather than allow myself to be bested by a two year old I am carrying her so that she can't hurt herself and I won't hurt her." I wish I had a photo of the rage on my face. This sweet lady says in reply... "Oh, honey, not you! HER!" And she addresses Meg at that point and says, "I'm sure your mom would have preferred to leave you in the car, but then she might get arrested. And though the thought of someone taking you is probably appealing to her at this very moment, she would later be sorry, so for you to act this way is just wrong." Well, of course, I wanted to crawl under a rock. I apologized profusely and then returned to the service desk shaking from head to toe. When I came back out, the same lady was still unloading her car, but as she pulled away I saw that she had a smiley face bumper sticker with it's tongue sticking out. Obviously, she has a great sense of humor. And maybe I need to ease up a bit, huh?

I will say (for the sake of my children's grandparents who read this blog) that the kids actually did come out brandishing new balloons in pink and blue and not all was lost. But still, just to be safe, I think I will start shopping at Kroger!