The truth as I know it:

We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life. But those who make their journey home across time & miles, growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them, are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us by God's very own hands. ~~~ Kristi Larson

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Beatitudes of a Bonding Mother

I wrote these a long time ago, when we were newly home with our second son from Russia. He was struggling to attach to us and I was struggling to juggle two kids and a job I loved and was afraid to give up. I ran across them today while I was looking for something else and the wind was sucked out of me remembering what a difficult time that was. And then when I read the last one, I realized how God was really holding me all that time and even in the darkest days I knew that He had a plan, He was in control, and I wanted to get where He was going with our family. Notice the signature at the bottom... so many promises fulfilled since then.

I post these here now for other mothers, who might be in the midst of their own dark transition time, or to remind those on the other side how much these women need our support.

The Beattitudes of a Bonding Mother

Blessed are you when your child cries, screams, or shows anger because you know that you have the unique opportunity to model moderation, control and love to this little one who has known deep rejection in his short life.

Blessed are you when you have the opportunity to spend time one on one with the little offender because you know that every moment you sacrifice yourself against your will, God is multiplying your efforts in you and using it for His glory.

Blessed are you to parent Jesus by parenting one who is unknown, unclothed, hungry, thirsty, sick, and imprisoned by his own fear of being rejected again, by another mother.

Blessed are you when you get to parent a child to whom the rules do not apply. The only rules are those of personal safety because he doesn’t care how much you know until he knows how much you care, never again will you be given the opportunity to look the other way for a while knowing that love is all that matters in these crucial months.

Blessed are you when God calls you to growth through defeat by a one year old. Nothing is more humbling and creates more need for Christ than knowing you are so weak you cannot even outsmart a one year old, but God can. Oh what blessing to rely on Him in such a humbling way.

Blessed are you when you pull your child out of Mother’s Day Out, even though he is the one child you’d like to get away from. Because you know that time with this little angry screamer is all that is going to heal him. And healing him is the only way to heal your family.

Blessed are you when you trudge on every day, putting one foot in front of the other, or maybe waiting for Christ to peel you off the floor, because you know that God blesses our efforts, not our perfection. We fake it ‘til we make it!

Blessed are you when your other children see your frustration and see you turning to Jesus, even in the grocery store, because they will model your actions and not your words and you will lead them to Christ.

Blessed are you when you turn anger and ire toward Christ and not direct it at your little hurt one, for God can take it and your child cannot.

Blessed are you when you have friends who have walked your road, because they can steer you away from the pitfalls if you allow them. And they alone understand your peril and they alone can truly advise you. They alone can cry out to our Lord in a voice of empathy and urgency that you need!

Blessed are you years later when you can reach the other side of that dark chasm and see what the Lord could see all along, but you could not; that the view from the other side was so much more pleasing, more rewarding, more fulfilling, and more Godly than anything you could have imagined.


Ondrea Harrison
Blessed mother of three boys, holding to God’s hope for a girl!

12 comments:

Heather Brandt said...

Thanks so much for sharing the beatitudes you wrote! I am saving a copy of this because I am a new parent of a little boy from Russia and it speaks to my heart :)

heather
www.russianblessings.wordpress.com

Oatsvall Team said...

Oh Sister... I wish we would have met when I first came home w/ Maggie ... I could have used everyone of those and still some days now ... What amazing Godly insight ... Can I put this in my book ??? I just know it will help prepare some waiting parent's heart ???

You are amazing to let the Lord mold you in such a way !!! Thanks for sharing this ...

The Monroe 6 said...

Awesome!!!!

mommaof4wife2r said...

now, there are not many truer words spoken! good stuff!

Adrienne said...

I loved reading these, Ondrea. I NEEDED to read these today. I need to print them and read them every day as I still have times where I just wish I could take away all that happened to Owen before he came home, that all my love, prayers, and affection could heal him. He is doing better and better every day, but each day presents a challenge that we face with prayer. Thanks so much for sharing your Beatitudes.

Carey and Norman said...

Wow, what a post. It is amazing how God truly takes our weaknesses and gives us strength over the long haul. Adoption is a challenge and it tests you from the time you begin your paperwork to waiting between trips to coming home and dealing with post adoption behavior. Thanks for sharing your beatitudes from your 2nd adoption and giving us courage to face each new challenge knowing it will get easier in time.

Anonymous said...

Delurking. I have been following your blog for quite some time through Carey & Norman's. We met them in Vlad when they were leaving after their court date and we were leaving after just having met our two children. We returned to pick up our children (a girl, 3, and a boy, 2) in June. Since then, we have had many struggles. Our daughter has had some attachment issues that we have been dealing with and I wish I had had this list when we were dealing with the worst of it! I printed the list off and thank you so much for sharing. I would like to ask your permission to send it on to some of the adoptive moms in our area...Ohio. jjgarber03@yahoo.com
Thank you and I love reading your blog!!!
Jody Garber

lori said...

Ondrea, you are a beautiful writer, but more than that a beautiful person. So glad God got us together.

carolinagirl said...

Hi Ondrea...The Oatsvall Team Mom :) sent me your link. We are adopting from Russia (we will be one year in on March 6th - date our application was sent to agency). I am so happy to have found your site. We are struggling playing the waiting game right now. We would like to adopt a little girl (we have two biological sons). The new foster care system in Russia has created a huge demand for girls, and there aren't many elligible for international adoption. We are praying for news soon.

I loved reading your post today. You have just a gift being able to write and express ideas - I struggle with that daily. I am sure that I will need to read this post again. A lot of these things I could relate to from raising our boys.

Again, I am so happy to have found your blog,
Corey

Kristine and John said...

This is great! I can think of examples and have visual memories for each of these beattitudes...it is so great to hear that others go through the same thing..I mean we know other people do, but when you put it into words, you can REALLY know other people got through the same things.

God is good...he gave you Meg. You are being a great steward with what He has given you...

You are a great Mommy!
Kristine

Stephanie said...

That was beautiful! You are a gifted writer.

Meredith said...

Beautiful. I've got tears in my eyes... of course, I'm sure my hormones aren't helping!