Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Not Me Tuesday????
Wow! Has ANOTHER Monday really come and gone without a Not Me post? I am aware that some of you come looking for it, but whew, life seems to be flying by right now. If the first three months post-adoption seems like you're driving in the right lane and everyone else is in passing mode, then I guess the second three months seems like I've entered the Auto Ban.
You know, something really weird happened. My mom sent me an e-mail about a coincidence that happened between her and another "adoptive grandmother" and in that e-mail, she was saying some things that I had already written for this particular blog post. So I guess there is just coincidence floating around today. Or maybe this one is just stating the obvious, but anyway, here is what my mom and I were both thinking.
I had asked my friend Marina if she would translate some stuff for me to send to the orphanage. I really want to write a letter and send some photos of Meg and just thank them for the excellent care they gave her. Some of the behaviors she has, I know, are inherent in her personality. But some of them are things that she learned from the ladies who cared for her. I honestly can't find one thing I don't like about this child. She's so perfect for our family. Which got me thanking God last night for His infinite wisdom in bringing us together. Which ALSO got me thinking about how much I like to control things and how often I doubt that things are going to work out the way I want them to. I spent hours obsessing over the little girls on that Russian database. Literally, every morning I would wake up, pull up the database on my computer, and pray for each and every little girl in our age range that I thought MIGHT be our daughter. I don't regret praying for these children as I am sure that God heard those prayers and blessed them and me through that process. I would always start by saying, "Good morning girls." :) Anyway, in that process, I fell in love with a few of the little faces. I even had my friend, Marina, call the MOE representative in St. Pete and inquire about one specific child. I absolutely obsessed about which one I thought would be my daughter and which ones I wanted to be my daughter. For whatever reason, Meg's photo was not listed in the group of girls under my search criteria. I don't know if she hadn't been released, if she wasn't categorized correctly on the database or what, but I wasn't able to find her until after I went searching for her once I had my referral. So, in all my praying and falling in love and obsessing, I never even saw a photo or knew of Meg's existence. It just proves, once again, how much more capable God is than I am of controlling the circumstances of life for my good. I mean, as I was praying last night, I just thanked God for how absolutely perfect this child is for our family, how much I love her in every way, how well she fits in and how well she has adjusted (all things considered.) I marvelled, really, at how many details He provided for us that we wouldn't have dreamed were possible. She is more beautiful, healthier, happier, better adjusted, less affected by life in an institution, and more of a personality fit than we ever would have dared ask for.
This is not to say that children who are not healthy, well adjusted, etc. are less of a blessing. We've been that route too. We've done every therapy known to man, I promise. And through those trials, I was blessed too. God brought us so much knowledge, so much patience and stretched us so far with those experiences. I believe we are refined and closer to our God because of all the trying experiences we've had in all three of our adoptions. But for where we are now in our life, it's a breath of fresh air for me that we could have this experience to compare to the others that we have had in the past.
I look at all four of my kiddos, healthy, happy, well-adjusted, and all four of them doing their absolute best at what they do as individuals and I realized that in my wildest dreams, I couldn't have orchestrated a more perfect family for myself. It's beyond what I deserve and beyond what I imagined possible for myself 10 years ago when we were in the throes of infertility. From that darkness, to this light, is 1,000 miles apart and a journey that has blessed me beyond measure.
So what if I'm too busy to post to my blog on time for Not Me Monday! I did not have a successful party last Friday night for Jack's birthday. The weather DID NOT cooperate at the last minute (and once again, proving God could provide better than I could.) I did not have NO access to my computer until last night at 9:00, at which time I was NOT already asleep because I was exhausted. The reason I was exhausted had NOTHING to do with the Monday Night Titans game I had been to the night before and I had NOT stayed out past 11:00 on a school night, GASP! I have not been missing all the action on all the blogs this weekend (due to said internet failure), I did NOT even think about them one single time. I did NOT think about MckMamma over the weekend, knowing her delivery date is oh so near. My mother in law (you know, the Martha Stewart one) is NOT in town for a whole week and she did NOT bring dinner for our whole family to eat together last night, only to have to ditch it at the last minute because my niece had a last minute melt-down. We did NOT go ahead and eat that dinner without her and love every single bite! :) I would never do that, what kind of person would eat a meal prepared for someone else when that someone couldn't attend? I am not loving every single crazy, insane, and out of control minute of life with my four little monkeys! And I am NOT running off right now to re-caffeinate before the bus comes to drop off the big boys. I certainly don't need caffeine in the middle of the afternoon... those three cups of coffee and large Coke I've already had today should be plenty.
"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago."